What lies beneath that smile?

Somehow the blogging momentum disappear. Maybe due to the hectic schedule or simply laziness to do so. There are way too many things in my life now to share but guess not many people is interested/gonna read anyway.

blogging only becomes a space for me to rant or spill my thoughts out freely. I can't kept it within me for long. Okay so this is the reason for this entry today. I'm feeling really lethargic these days despite there ain't any school or physical activity. I don't know what's wrong with me but once in a while I feel bitter about life.

Girls night out that day makes me realize certain things. And one question from Alicia stuck me. What's good bout XXX? I know there are a few "suitors" and they are really nice people but the feelings are just different. Not saying XXX is not good, in fact, he cracked me up every time and i just like the way he is.

But well, everything seemed to be fine in the beginning, and when I thought I am ready to move on, I was rejected. No status ,just the feeling intact in both. I was this |______| close to giving it up but I chose to stay like this. Who knows how long I will be able to stay on. Isit that difficult to find someone you love and vice versa? Being true to love is no longer a IN thing. Haha.

Nowadays, I felt lost, not knowing how to love, to be loved, or feel like someone's gf. I feel like I'm doing many things wrong. I'm not desperate to be in love or what. Just that maybe I still couldn't get out of the 5yrs relationship shadow. I'm trying not to commit the same mistake. And for now, I don't even dare to bother XXX just in case he finds me irritating.

Anyway I think part of me gave up loving someone alrdy. I need to get a grip and find new meaning in life.

I need to be like PHILZA! Hahahaha! Really admire her lots.

That aside, I'm missing this person here





And last but not least, 生日快乐黄燕玲 Teresa wee! :) :)