friends for life?

Was browsing through some old photos..

And a sudden surge of misses came in. I felt sharp pain stabbed through my heart. I know it's been mths since the break up..

I just felt things happened so fast. And one thing is he didn't even try to salvage the relationship which makes what many people tell me is true.

Maybe both of us are tired? Or perhaps he's just waiting for me to suggest the break up? Or maybe we are just not meant to be. I felt silly having to turn back each time and this time round i didn't and I'm glad i didn't. Because it makes me realize how much i have put in doesn't even worth him doing the same for me.. Ha ha.

Anyway, it's all over. A mutual break up? I don't really know. I still have a place of him in my heart somewhere. But i kept it deeply inside.. I hope i can just erase everything away so that i can really put 100% into the next relationship. It's unfair, seriously..

Just because the ex doesn't do that for me, it doesn't mean no one else will do the thing for me. But it just takes time for me to trust guy. I'm afraid to gamble anymore. What if the same thing happens after another 4yrs? It's easy to say but who can predict what will happen? I was once,blissful, the time when the both of us were still going through "underground" relationship, he was always the MR NICE guy. But things changes.. I'm not trying to say he's not nice just that perhaps i put in too much. Giving in..

What i wanted is not to WIN when we have arguments. What's the point of saying that everything is your fault when you don't meant it? By letting me "win" doesn't solve our problem at all. If i bother to tell you numerous time how i felt.. why cant you just spend a little of your time to read and understand how i feel? Yes, you complained that you spend all your time with me. But didn't you know I'm spending my time with you as well? What's more the time we had were mainly with your family.. Where's the quality time together? Where's the communication that we should have?

I guess all these problems just couldn't be resolved resulting to what we are now. It just pains me to end it abruptly. I feel that things should end it nicely.. So that both of us can really MOVE ON.

I wished that we could still be friends. 4yrs of being your gf and many many yrs of bestie (: